this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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