i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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