I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
