Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
