Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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