lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
