I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize