Just fell off a train. Bad.
thus making me awesome and them whores
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
