she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
