The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
