I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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