I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
