i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
