Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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