So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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