Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
