You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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