9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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