I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
