i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
