You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
