I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
