After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
