hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
