Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
