either way he was missing a nipple.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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