Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
