Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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