my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
