shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
