how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
