Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
