Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
