Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
