Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Bring me that man meat
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
