I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
