How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
