Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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