Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
