I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize