i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
