So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
