I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
