Me too!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
