Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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