this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
