My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just want nice things and good sex
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
