I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
