Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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