I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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