How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
