I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My dick has a subreddit
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
