So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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