wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
