That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
