Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
