I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
