hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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