The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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