We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
