I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
