He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
