they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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