yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
