I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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