Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
