Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
