I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
