I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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