This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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